Episode 97
How to Lead in Gospel-Shaped Confrontations (Part 2)
Cary Schmidt and Kurt Skelly continue their conversation on gospel-shaped confrontation, walking through practical, biblical wisdom for handling hard conversations with grace, truth, and emotional maturity.
During the Conversation
1. Begin with prayer and humility.
– Start by inviting God into the conversation, which helps calm emotions and sets the right tone.
2. Clarify the purpose.
– State clearly why you’re meeting and what you hope to accomplish (restoration, clarity, unity).
3. Affirm the relationship.
– Communicate love, care, and respect before addressing the issue. Let the person know they matter more than the problem.
4. Speak truth gently.
– Address the issue clearly but kindly. Avoid anger, sarcasm, or exaggeration.
5. Listen carefully and completely.
– Give the other person space to explain their perspective. Don’t interrupt or assume.
6. Stay calm when emotions rise.
– Keep your voice soft, your spirit steady, and refuse to argue. Truth doesn’t need to shout.
7. Keep the focus on restoration, not winning.
– Remember the goal isn’t to prove yourself right—it’s to help the relationship and the church family move forward in health.
8. Allow the Holy Spirit to work.
– Don’t try to force conviction or repentance. Trust God to do what only He can do in hearts.
After the Conversation
1. Communicate grace and next steps.
– End the conversation with hope. Outline any agreed actions or boundaries, and assure the person of your continued care.
2. Pray again—this time for healing and wisdom.
– Ask God to seal what’s been said, bring understanding, and guide both hearts moving forward.
3. Follow up intentionally.
– Don’t let the relationship drift. Check in later to encourage and rebuild trust.
4. Maintain confidentiality and integrity.
– Only share details with those who need to know; avoid revisiting the issue with others.
5. Leave the results with God.
– Once you’ve acted biblically and lovingly, rest in the Lord’s ability to bring fruit from your faithfulness