Episode 96

How to Lead in Gospel-Shaped Confrontations (Part 1)

Cary and Kurt tackle the tough topic most leaders avoid: confrontation. They outline nine “pre-conversation” practices that keep hard talks redemptive, not explosive. As pastors, the aim is always gentle, truthful, Spirit-led conversations that restore people and protect the health of the whole church.

Nine “Pre-Conversation” Steps

1. Count to 10 (cool your emotions before you act).

2. Don’t count to 20 (don’t procrastinate—get the meeting on the calendar).

3. Look inward first (self-examine what the conflict might be revealing in you).

4. Consider letting it go (if it’s uncharacteristic and minor, grace may cover it).

5. Refuse to ambush (schedule the meeting and tell them what it’s about).

6. Inform others only on a need-to-know basis (seek counsel wisely, avoid gossip/coalitions).

7. Refuse to assign motive (address actions/words, not presumed heart intentions).

8. Recognize your natural bias (bring in a neutral person or recuse yourself if needed).

9. Genuinely pray for the situation and the person (invite the Spirit’s work; posture your heart).